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About Deviant Artist Jessi. You know, that one.Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 12 Years
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Literature
algebra
Algebra, or
The Kinds Of People You Meet In Summer School.
I've just realized that somebody, sometime in my past, has slighted me. I'm going into my ninth year of school since kindergarten, and despite being old for my grade, I am not on the fast track for math. Somehow there are kids who, I don't know, went to a more competitive middle school or whatever, and now, they're going to get all the way through Advanced Calculus before they hit their senior year, and if I keep plodding along as I had been planning on doing, I might not even get there.
Luckily, I have this summer to fix things. If I just take Algebra 2 over the summer, then I can be in Geometry this next school year, and then onward and upward. Good grades in high maths and acceptance into good colleges and good grad schools and good jobs and. All that. I've already had this trajectory mapped out for years. With a quiet relief, I sign up for my class, my mother standing behind me, sucking on cigarettes and coca-cola. She does
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 1 0
Literature
instructions for a poem
find an old phone book. make sure it's at least three years old. you probably have one in the bottom of your pantry, or under a cabinet, or propping up a broken table or something. if you don't, i'm sure one of your neighbors will, and people are typically pretty content with parting with old phone books.
feel how heavy your phone book is, and hope that it's heavy. toss it in the air a little and catch it, feel how your hands dip to receive it, and learn its angles and flops. throw it higher, but still catch it. throw it higher still, but catch it. begin trying to catch it with a finger or two tucked into the residential pages. make sure you get very good at this, because you're really going to want to make it count.
throw the phone book in the air, catch it with a page marked, and look to see the person fate has chosen for you. begin calling them. if the phone number is no longer correct, repeat the procedure until you find someone still at the same address three years later. you will
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 0 0
Literature
we were saying
we were saying that it had been a long time. we were saying that it had been too long, too long since the last time, and let's not do that anymore, it doesn't feel good. we were saying that now things are going to be different. we were saying i love you, i love you, i love you. we were saying things that were muffled by one anothers mouths. we were saying how, how have you, how have you been doing? we were saying our feelings, just like you're supposed to, out loud, into one another's eyes. we were saying things like "it makes me feel good," or "it makes me feel bad," and we were saying that there weren't proper words for the feelings because they're too old and new and familiar or eternal or trite. we were saying, the other day, to our other friends, that we would make it through, one way or the other. we were saying just this morning to our mothers that we were worried about silly sad things like money and growing up, but that days would keep coming and that would be that. we were sa
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 1 1
Literature
can't sleep: sup freewriting?
it's late and i don't know what home means.
i can't sleep, and i'm allergic to the distant familiarity or maybe just the dust of my untouched old bedroom.
it's too hot it's too cold i'm too goddamn alone even in a houseful of blood relatives, so i'm indulging in some ludicrous insomnia, nothing to do on the internet but literally anything and also pornography.
i've got a pathological drive to not sleep alone anymore but whoops too bad, we made decisions about distance before their consequences developed, and now we're two years deep and two years til the other side and there's nothing to do but wait it out and accidentally grow up in different states.
fuck. that. shit. i want that gorgeous hipster nihilism, intoxicated in between bodies dancing, or on the ground facing the sky, seeking the sublime, the profound, like chasing a high.
instead i've got webcam. and a bad case of the sniffles. and a house full of sleeping family, running on a circadian rhythm that bears no resemblance to mi
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 3 2
Literature
how about a zombie story
"frankly, i'm surprised nobody else has written a zombie story yet."
The drive was, to be quite honest, not off to a very good start. Adam had already had to stop once to pee and he was kind of squeezing his thighs together and thinking about stopping again. But he had his pride, so he thought about the girl on the other end of the highway and tried to distract his crotch from the business of urination.
She was pretty and all that, and he was awfully fond of her, like a good few years' worth of fond at the least, and she had the soft hair and playful eyes that a girlfriend ought to have. He hadn't seen her in a handful of weeks, for good, normal reasons like jobs and family, and with a gap between things that had to get done, he thought it would be a great time to drive cross-country and surprise her, a plan that gets a lot more believable with the unreliability of cell phone service in the past months. For good or ill, there was hardly anybody else driving, even on a monster interstat
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 1 3
Literature
remind me how to write
having been drinking, i saw the ceiling closer and further away than usual, the texture magnified and swirling and dancing for my attention, dotted with the distance of how little i gave a fuck. pulling the blanket up, careful to cover my tits but only just, i was waiting for you to vault back into bed, graceful and improbable like your roommate already had twice, either time without bumping his head or pulling a muscle, or so it seemed in the moment: the next day's usually slightly different in the telling.
i don't remember you vaulting so i'm inclined to believe you must've disappointed, clambered and laddered, crushing my knees as we tried to turn your tiny lofted single into a double. there was perhaps snow on the ground, and a freeze coming through the bricks at my back, but in this moment, it felt good in the way that every sensation felt pretty good, and i was warm enough to be just in my panties against your also warm enough hip, legs redistributed one of each apiece.
i was clu
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 1 1
Literature
musing on a hometown
hometown is where your skinned knees got bandaided and where your dad teased you until you cried. it's where you had that first friend, the one you barely remember, that you had nothing in common with except that you were in the same place at the same time in your front yard playing hide and seek. where you found grass stains and easter eggs and quick little lizards and muddy feet in new rainy puddles. it's crying so hard on the first day of kindergarten that your mom has to run out and let the teacher hold onto you so you don't come after her and she sits in her car in the parking lot and cries just as hard and just doesn't ever tell you. hometown is where you play losing baseball games in the rain and dance in soft pink shoes on a stage that swallows you in its proscenium mouth.
hometown is where your legs get longer and you touch yourself without knowing anything about it and kids get mean in subtler ways. and your body turns into something else, and you look stupid and you hate eve
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 3 2
Literature
swingin'
you were pushing me on a swingset mercifully devoid of children,
and with each backswinging connection,
you were doing something darling.
kissing my neck,
massaging my shoulders,
the quickest hug.
it went on without a hesitation, a string of little beads of affection
me smiling so wide that you couldn't see my face
until i started to fret and stumble,
worried that you would run out of ideas.
desperate to save you the embarrassment,
the pause of disappointment when improv runs out.
kicking into the dirt, shuddering, trying to come to a stop,
still smiling and laughing,
before you ran out,
but you didn't stop pushing,
not even when you threatened to kiss me, standing in the way of the swing
and i squealed and flailed and tried to avoid bowling you over
which i, of course, didn't
because you pulled back and reconfigured,
standing in front at an angle at a measured distance
at the peak of the arc of my lips
and we did kiss, once or twice,
and then kissed chins and noses and missed, laughin
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
:icononaniel:Onaniel 2 2
Literature
heart is where the home is
i don't know how to call this home anymore
my house watches tv for fun. stops time, rewinds
it's a new tv. i can't even work it.
it's okay, i'm not really into that anymore
anyway.
for fun we drive around, eat shit, buy shit
or drive around and don't eat shit or buy shit
but you burn money and gas both ways, so it doesn't matter too much
one way or the other
what you do for fun.
i like looking at things.
that is all i really am interested in doing, maybe not making or buying or using or doing, but looking.
i'm just glad somebody else already did it.
it's lovely. it's already there. it's not my responsibility.
i like the inward-pulling, the strand through the generations tying us all together of not knowing where to be or what to do.
i like the feeling of connection, of eternity and circuitousness and solidarity in crippling ennui
the shoulder to shoulder on the front lines of existential dread and hollow futures.
i could have a life in any of these apartments.
they all unspool in front
:iconOnaniel:Onaniel
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gaff tape corsages by Onaniel gaff tape corsages :icononaniel:Onaniel 8 7
Literature
some things never change-
i hain't been home in ten whole years.
i hain't been home in ten long years!
i hain't been home for ten years now, but some things never change.
my boy went and left me for another gal,
that boy just ran right off with that other gal,
so i says, "good luck," and head back home,
coz my boy done left me for another gal.
my pillow's soaked from so many tears,
yeah, i donno if my pillow'll dry from so many tears...
i been cryin' and cryin' for all my years,
my pillow's just soaked from all those tears.
i ain't gonna cry for one more day,
no, i just won't let me cry one more day.
i'm takin' that cryin' and putting it away...
gonna write me some blues,
and head home to stay.
i hain't been home in ten whole years.
i hain't been home in ten long years!
i hain't been home for ten years now, but some things never change.
mama, says i, i'm not roaming no more.
why, mama, i says, i'm not meandering far,
she says, go check on your brother, passed out drunk on the floor,
she says, honey, i thought y
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waitingwaitingwaitingwaiting by Onaniel waitingwaitingwaitingwaiting :icononaniel:Onaniel 2 3 wheel by Onaniel wheel :icononaniel:Onaniel 0 2 mirror by Onaniel mirror :icononaniel:Onaniel 3 4 road by Onaniel road :icononaniel:Onaniel 1 2 katie by Onaniel katie :icononaniel:Onaniel 1 0

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Literature
before, before
i am only just thirteen. he is sixteen. i am in love/lust/crush.
my best friends big brother, or friends ex boyfriend, is tall. once or twice i imagined kissing him. but he never would. he is friends with the boy who is sixteen. and besides he is my best friends big brother or my friend's ex boyfriend. and i am not a bad person.
i am tall too, you know. i am stretched skyward but there was no more to stretch, just bone. so i am not really that tall at all. but i pretend i am. how tall are you? oh above average, you know, pretty tall.
the brother says want to come and see j? and my heart leaps and i sing yes but he only hears a nod and there's no time to change. my chest is flat and my shirt doesn't cover my belly button but i don't really mind, you know, it's brown and flat like stretches of australia my father used to talk about. that's me; land.
the air is the kind of cool it only ever is at nighttime. not winter, no that's a different kind. you can tell by the night-y smell and the
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DeviantID 1 by AcidMemoir DeviantID 1 :iconacidmemoir:AcidMemoir 2 0
Literature
Breaking the Mould
I say something different each time
I go in the house to make myself different.
we broke a wall
straight through
best place to make a break
didn't hurt the paint
there are only so many cow puns you can make
if I'm awake
I guess I'll talk to you
but only if I'm not asleep
and got nothing better to do
hold my hand while I question you
punch
kick
spin
repeat
mashed buttons 'bout as healthy as mashed peas
fresh sprites waiting for me
ransom's tripled
there are some things
that just shouldn't be done
I'm happy thirteen times over and it's still not enough
I was sleeping until you went away
your hair's gotten longer since the wedding
saved by the dreadful beasts of the amphitheatral colosseum
I just saved yo-
we'll split it thirty-three, thirty-three, thirty-three
who pays the extra dollar?
you will
You weren't supposed to throw away the sprinkles.
That wasn't necessary.
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Activity


because these are fun

Sun Feb 15, 2009, 6:56 PM
but

Rule #1:
If you open this you take it.
Rule # 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks
Rule #3:
Only answer True or False

Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? true
Q: Been arrested? false
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like? false
Q: Do you like someone? true
Q: Held a snake? true
Q: Been suspended from school? false
Q: Been fired from a job? false
Q: Sang karaoke? false
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? true
Q: Laughed until you started crying? true
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? true
Q: Kissed in the rain? true
Q: Sang in the shower? true
Q: Sat on a roof top? true
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? true
Q: Broken a bone? false
Q: Shaved your head? false
Q: Played a prank on someone? true
Q: Shot a gun? true
Q: Donated Blood? false
Q: Had your heart broken? true

"Who was your last?"
just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON...
1. You hung out with? david
2. You texted? david
3. You were in a car with? david
4. Went to the movies with? wil & david
5. person you went to the shops with? probably my mother
6. You talked on the phone? my dearest old friend phoebe!
7. Made you laugh? my dad
8. You hugged? mum
9. You cried with? the whole gust family at my grannie's funeral

WOULD YOU RATHER
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? tongue.
2. Die in a fire or get shot? get shot for sure.
1. Sun or moon? moon
2. Winter or Fall? winter!
3. Left or Right? left.
4. Sunny or rainy? rainy.
5. Where do you live? in my house.
6. Club or pub? yes.
7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? i certainly hope so.
8. Do you want to get married? not so's you'd notice.
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? neither. i slurp it. it's really inappropriate. i don't much care.
10. what time is it? not quite nine.
11. Are you afraid of commitment? ...not really
12. Are you gonna have an 18th birthday party? it's doubtful.
13. Do you cook? i bake.
14. Current mood? paralyzed.

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU…
1. Kissed someone? soundly.
2. Sang? definitely!
3. Listened to music? of course.
4. Seen someone you care about? lots of them.
5. Danced Crazy? mmmm. maybe?
6. Cried? thoroughly.






that actually wasn't very fun. i need a better one. ah well back to work!

  • Drinking: root beer

deviantID

Onaniel
Jessi. You know, that one.
Artist
United States
Current Residence: oh, you know, here and there. mostly here.
Favourite genre of music: the things you make fun of me for. emo, indie, j-pop, altrock. and the occasional show tune.
Favourite style of art: fluxism?
MP3 player of choice: apples!
Personal Quote: Others say "Go for it!" I say... "Make it come to you!"
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconziahippoqueen:
Ziahippoqueen Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Found you! (Although it really wasn't that hard considering you send me your DA name via e-mail...) :)
Reply
:iconsilentlysinging:
silentlysinging Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Student
Thanks for the fave!
Reply
:iconroguexunited:
rogueXunited Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
hi!!! thanx for the fav :hug:
Reply
:icononaniel:
Onaniel Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2009
you're super welcome, i <3 your wallpapers!
Reply
:iconacidmemoir:
AcidMemoir Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2009
I'm in your favorites, being oh so colorful!

heart.
Reply
:icononaniel:
Onaniel Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2009
lulz! :boogie:
Reply
:iconkiribiri:
kiribiri Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2009
Search "The Akitsuki Show" on youtube.
:D
Reply
:iconacidmemoir:
AcidMemoir Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2008
Hi Jessi, guess who?
Thanks for the watch, btw.
Reply
:iconhotlollipop:
hotlollipop Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2008
Jessi, your art never ceases to amaze me.
<3
Reply
:iconneurquadic:
Neurquadic Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008
Congratulations! You've been molested! --> [link]
Reply
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