we were saying

we were saying that it had been a long time. we were saying that it had been too long, too long since the last time, and let's not do that anymore, it doesn't feel good. we were saying that now things are going to be different. we were saying i love you, i love you, i love you. we were saying things that were muffled by one anothers mouths. we were saying how, how have you, how have you been doing? we were saying our feelings, just like you're supposed to, out loud, into one another's eyes. we were saying things like "it makes me feel good," or "it makes me feel bad," and we were saying that there weren't proper words for the feelings because they're too old and new and familiar or eternal or trite. we were saying, the other day, to our other friends, that we would make it through, one way or the other. we were saying just this morning to our mothers that we were worried about silly sad things like money and growing up, but that days would keep coming and that would be that. we were saying that someday, this would be blurry and embarrassing like a night you don't remember, but thinking about it hurts your stomach. we were saying "i don't ever want to let go of you," and we were saying, "alright then, don't," and we were saying "god dammit god dammit" because that's not possible, and knowing that makes us responsible for our own separation. we were saying we're gonna be a lacanian success story, we were saying that imaginary order is ours again, ours and ours alone and by ours i mean mine and mine because there's no me or you. we were saying we're like one thing been cut in two and we were saying that if we just held tight enough we could slip back together and the seams would heal up. we were saying that the future was gonna be great, just as soon as we got there, and not even with hovercars and teleportation but just a little apartment filled with two people and the great many possessions they had acquired independently and then together. we were saying that as soon as we got there, everything else would fall into place, like the end of a disney movie, and then they got married, and lived happily ever after, and we were saying that wouldn't it be nice if that could be that, and the end. we were saying that we we would always be this tired, but to be tired side-by-side is better than being tired alone. we were saying all of this, tucked into one another's shoulders, looking in, quiet, and sometimes with noses, and then we just fell asleep.